Just when you think the situation couldn’t get any more ridiculous and Parliament more crazed, Teresa May turns up and says “hold my beer”. Her performance at Prime Minister’s Questions (PMQs) today was that of someone who’s gone mad. The only Prime Minister ever to be found in contempt of Parliament treated it with even more contempt. All deals were off, commitments were thrown under a bus as she blithely lied and misled. Even some of her own party could see she’d lost it. It seemed her only plan was to hang on to No 10 and damn the country, which is just 9 days away from crashing out of the EU without a deal. Mind you, she wasn’t the only one, there seems to be very few sane voices in the Commons at the moment on either bench. Never has the slogan “take back control” looked more ridiculous. It will be our epithet.

Mind you, it’s not just Parliament May treats with contempt or ignores. Her reply to the EU regarding an extension of Article 50 was another in talking to yourself. Now it seems the EU has finally lost patience with us, as the next 24 hours will show.

Now we’re waiting for St Teresa to make a statement outside No10 this evening.

21:51

I’m back at home after Dawn and I met up to watch Teresa May’s speech to the nation in our local pub. That was a surreal experience to start with as the pair of us were doing it on a mobile phone whilst sharing earphones. Everyone else was going about their lives as if nothing matters whilst we’re listening to a British Prime Minister coming apart at the seams. May’s speech was nothing short of farcical. It was 20 minutes of utter vacuity. She blamed Parliament for the impasse that she created through her red lines and madness in starting the article 50 clock ticking when she hadn’t got anything resembling a plan. Apparently, the fact we’ve a Parliament that’s trying to be Sovereign’s the problem, not a Prime Minister that’s determined to ignore them. This was a borderline dictatorship bid. She’s been captive to the hard right-wingers of the ERG in her own party that she displayed all the symptoms of ‘Stockholm Syndrome’. To her, party (well, a rabid section of it) absolutely comes before country.

Meanwhile, what of the Leader of her Majesty’s opposition, you know, the people who are meant to actually oppose and come up with an alternative? It’s been a shit-show. ‘Magic Grandad’, sorry – Jeremy Corbyn, was due to attend a meeting of leaders of all the  political parties but then stormed out like a petulant child because he found out that Chuka Umunna, the leader of the breakaway Tory/Labour MPs was there, declaring that Umunna wasn’t a ‘real’ leader. Don’t even get me started on the irony of that! The news was broken by Lib-Dem Leader Vince Cable, who was there.

For the leader of the opposition to behave like this is positively Pythonesque. Did he start shouting ‘Splitters’ at everyone as he stormed out of the door?

This is the state of British politics today, with just 9 days to go before Brexit. If you live in the UK, I’d suggest that now’s a good time to start panic buying…

Well, what a day it’s been! We’ve had the sight of Nigel Farage’s ‘MarchtoBrexit’ stumble into day three with a dwindling cast that doesn’t include any of the High Command. Farage himself’s nowhere to be seen and neither is any of the Brexity MPs who turned up for the photo opportunity on the first day, then promptly buggered off back to London. Instead, a few sad souls continue their ‘trek’ – although it’s clear that much of the trip is a sham and they travel between locations by coach! They’ve been mercilessly trolled on social media, so much so that many of them don’t even bother using the #MarchtoLeave hashtag on Twitter as it’s all to embarrassing. They’re followed by ‘Led by Donkeys’, a crowdfunded group which is doing some excellent working exposing the hypocrisy of Leave leaders through the devastating use of posters and social media. Here’s a couple of gems from today.

Yes, that’s right, the 200 ‘strong’ march has petered out by day three to be just 60 people. When you consider how many of these will be stewards and organisers, you have to ask, how many ordinary people (who paid £50 for the privilege) are actually there? Here’s another gem as marchers use one of the Donkey’s mobile poster vans as a place to rest their weary bones!

The march is a perfect metaphor for Brexit, but the day got even more interesting later when the Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, ruled that Teresa May couldn’t have another bite of the Brexit cherry and re-introduce her motion for the third time. Bizarrely, this seemed to take the Government by surprise, despite the fact many Parliamentarians and constitutional experts knew that this was a real possibility thanks to the provisions contained in Erskine May, the bible of Parliamentary practise.

So, now all hell’s broken loose in Parliament! If it wasn’t so bloody serious it would be hilarious! We are 11 days away from crashing out of the EU with no deal of any sort in place and no-one’s got a clue what to do! The fact that a developed nation and long-established Parliamentary democracy can descend into such a farce should be an object lesson to all nations and a lesson in how arrogance and complacency – oh, and some pretty shit politicians on all sides of the spectrum – can cripple a country.

What next? At the moment no-one has a clue. People are throwing around all sorts of fanciful scenarios and suggestions. All we know is the clock’s still ticking. Older readers may remember an American comedy called ‘Soap’ which ran from 1977 to 1981. Each episode began with a catch-up of the shenanigans in that last one, then the voice-over announced ‘Confused? You will be – after the next episode of Soap’

I think their writers came up with Brexit…

I’m just leaving this here as I’m not going to try and keep a running commentary on this as it would take up to much of my day to distil any sort of sense out of what’s happening at the moment. I’ll try and do that this evening when we know what people might actually be voting on.

Suffice it to say that it’s utterly bizarre and a sign of just how broken politics is tin the UK that we’re not allowed a second referendum on a decision that was made with a majority of 52/48 (and let’s not even get into the criminality and the fiddles inherent in that vote) yet Teresa May is pushing for Parliament to be given a THIRD chance to vote on her deal, despite it having been rejected TWICE, once by a majority of 231 and the second time by 149!

18:33

The votes are over and the farce continues, only now it’s guaranteed to last even longer as Teresa May is having to go back to the EU and ask for an extension of Article 50 beyond the 29th March, the date we were meant to be leaving. After watching some of the charade in Parliament and the votes on various amendments I only have one conclusion. Half the people in Parliament are certifiable. They have no sense of shame at what they’re putting this country through or the absolute shambles they’re making of it. Businesses must have their heads in their hands as they haven’t got a clue where they stand. Our EU neighbours must be looking on with a mix of bemusement and horror at the fact Parliament still can’t work out what it wants to do about Brexit.

So, what do we know? Two things. We know that Teresa May will be making another attempt to get her deal through Parliament next week in a ‘third time lucky’ bid. We also know that she’ll be going cap in hand to the EU summit to ask for an extension of Article 50.

What don’t we know? We don’t know if she’ll get her deal through Parliament on the third attempt so we don’t know what position she’ll be in when she goes to the EU summit. We also don’t know how long and extension of article 50 the EU will agree to give us, or even they’ll agree – as it needs unanimity from all 27 members. If her deal fails again, an extension until June is about as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

Still, we’ve ‘taken back control’ eh? God help us, as each day passes that slogan becomes more and more hollow.

The tragic thing about today’s votes was that MPs rejected a cross-party plan to allow MPs to take control of the Brexit process by the tiny margin of two. My particular ire is directed at the old Labour dinosaurs like Dennis Skinner and the mad Kate Hoey, who voted with the government. Once this mess is finally put to bed I fervently hope there’s a reckoning at the ballot box…

Meanwhile, the agony and uncertainty continue. I wonder how many more businesses are triggering their relocation plans now?

Following yesterday’s political theatre in Parliament, today brings part 2 of the farce. MPs are to be given a ‘free’ vote on the no-deal scenario. There’s just one tiny problem, it’s all utterly pointless. The BBC has reported that the wording of the motion will be this.

“Declines to approve” is meaningless, as by simple operation of law, we crash out of the European Union on March 29th. MPs have already approved this by triggering article 50. Unless that’s revoked it’s automatic. Barrister David Allan Green (another long time legal observer of this shambles) explains.

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So, what now? How do we stop the Brexit clock ticking? No-one seems to have the answer to that other than by somehow hoping to move the hands on the clock back a few hours. Meanwhile, we have May still playing games by offering meaningless votes and ‘Magic Grandad’ Jeremy Corbyn pissing off more Labour MPs and supporters by blank refusing to carry out his own party policy and banging on pointlessly about a general election he’s unlikely to win. And all the time, the clock’s ticking…

The physical storm that’s battering the UK today is nothing to the economic one that our politicians, in their stupidity and weakness, have triggered, and unless something serious happens in the next two weeks, that storm will arrive at 11:00 on the 29th March 2019.

UPDATE.

Events move on and unfold. This tweet from investigative journalist Carole Cadwalladr outlines the machinations going on behind the scenes from some of the spivs who funded the Leave campaign and who stand to benefit.

This was always the danger. The UK can ask for an extension of article 50, but it needs all the EU 27 to agree. Meanwhile, the EU is also making its position clear.

Now, can any Brexit supporter explain how any of this sounds like us taking back ‘control’? I’d love to know…

UPDATE TO THE UPDATE.

It’s now Wednesday evening and Parliament’s been voting. The farce turned into a circus as motioned were agreed, then withdrawn and amendments rose and fell. The upshot was explained by Robert Peston.

Or, as David Allan Green put it,

And there’s the issue. We now have Schrödinger’s ‘no deal’, where it’s been taken off the table whilst remaining on it.

Parliament has decided to reject ‘No Deal’ in a non binding vote. They’ve expressed their ‘will’ but no-one’s defused the Brexit bomb and the clock’s still ticking, with the thing due to explode on March 29th…