Just when you think the situation couldn’t get any more ridiculous and Parliament more crazed, Teresa May turns up and says “hold my beer”. Her performance at Prime Minister’s Questions (PMQs) today was that of someone who’s gone mad. The only Prime Minister ever to be found in contempt of Parliament treated it with even more contempt. All deals were off, commitments were thrown under a bus as she blithely lied and misled. Even some of her own party could see she’d lost it. It seemed her only plan was to hang on to No 10 and damn the country, which is just 9 days away from crashing out of the EU without a deal. Mind you, she wasn’t the only one, there seems to be very few sane voices in the Commons at the moment on either bench. Never has the slogan “take back control” looked more ridiculous. It will be our epithet.

Mind you, it’s not just Parliament May treats with contempt or ignores. Her reply to the EU regarding an extension of Article 50 was another in talking to yourself. Now it seems the EU has finally lost patience with us, as the next 24 hours will show.

Now we’re waiting for St Teresa to make a statement outside No10 this evening.

21:51

I’m back at home after Dawn and I met up to watch Teresa May’s speech to the nation in our local pub. That was a surreal experience to start with as the pair of us were doing it on a mobile phone whilst sharing earphones. Everyone else was going about their lives as if nothing matters whilst we’re listening to a British Prime Minister coming apart at the seams. May’s speech was nothing short of farcical. It was 20 minutes of utter vacuity. She blamed Parliament for the impasse that she created through her red lines and madness in starting the article 50 clock ticking when she hadn’t got anything resembling a plan. Apparently, the fact we’ve a Parliament that’s trying to be Sovereign’s the problem, not a Prime Minister that’s determined to ignore them. This was a borderline dictatorship bid. She’s been captive to the hard right-wingers of the ERG in her own party that she displayed all the symptoms of ‘Stockholm Syndrome’. To her, party (well, a rabid section of it) absolutely comes before country.

Meanwhile, what of the Leader of her Majesty’s opposition, you know, the people who are meant to actually oppose and come up with an alternative? It’s been a shit-show. ‘Magic Grandad’, sorry – Jeremy Corbyn, was due to attend a meeting of leaders of all the  political parties but then stormed out like a petulant child because he found out that Chuka Umunna, the leader of the breakaway Tory/Labour MPs was there, declaring that Umunna wasn’t a ‘real’ leader. Don’t even get me started on the irony of that! The news was broken by Lib-Dem Leader Vince Cable, who was there.

For the leader of the opposition to behave like this is positively Pythonesque. Did he start shouting ‘Splitters’ at everyone as he stormed out of the door?

This is the state of British politics today, with just 9 days to go before Brexit. If you live in the UK, I’d suggest that now’s a good time to start panic buying…

Well, what a day it’s been! We’ve had the sight of Nigel Farage’s ‘MarchtoBrexit’ stumble into day three with a dwindling cast that doesn’t include any of the High Command. Farage himself’s nowhere to be seen and neither is any of the Brexity MPs who turned up for the photo opportunity on the first day, then promptly buggered off back to London. Instead, a few sad souls continue their ‘trek’ – although it’s clear that much of the trip is a sham and they travel between locations by coach! They’ve been mercilessly trolled on social media, so much so that many of them don’t even bother using the #MarchtoLeave hashtag on Twitter as it’s all to embarrassing. They’re followed by ‘Led by Donkeys’, a crowdfunded group which is doing some excellent working exposing the hypocrisy of Leave leaders through the devastating use of posters and social media. Here’s a couple of gems from today.

Yes, that’s right, the 200 ‘strong’ march has petered out by day three to be just 60 people. When you consider how many of these will be stewards and organisers, you have to ask, how many ordinary people (who paid £50 for the privilege) are actually there? Here’s another gem as marchers use one of the Donkey’s mobile poster vans as a place to rest their weary bones!

The march is a perfect metaphor for Brexit, but the day got even more interesting later when the Speaker of the House of Commons, John Bercow, ruled that Teresa May couldn’t have another bite of the Brexit cherry and re-introduce her motion for the third time. Bizarrely, this seemed to take the Government by surprise, despite the fact many Parliamentarians and constitutional experts knew that this was a real possibility thanks to the provisions contained in Erskine May, the bible of Parliamentary practise.

So, now all hell’s broken loose in Parliament! If it wasn’t so bloody serious it would be hilarious! We are 11 days away from crashing out of the EU with no deal of any sort in place and no-one’s got a clue what to do! The fact that a developed nation and long-established Parliamentary democracy can descend into such a farce should be an object lesson to all nations and a lesson in how arrogance and complacency – oh, and some pretty shit politicians on all sides of the spectrum – can cripple a country.

What next? At the moment no-one has a clue. People are throwing around all sorts of fanciful scenarios and suggestions. All we know is the clock’s still ticking. Older readers may remember an American comedy called ‘Soap’ which ran from 1977 to 1981. Each episode began with a catch-up of the shenanigans in that last one, then the voice-over announced ‘Confused? You will be – after the next episode of Soap’

I think their writers came up with Brexit…