After a month in beautiful and progressive New Zealand it’s time to fly half-way around the planet to return to a country that’s busy trying to destroy itself: Britain.

We’ve been spared the daily madness of Brexit over here, although I have tried to keep abreast of what’s been happening. That’s been a challenge in itself as what’s been happening makes little sense. Today I checked the news to find that Parliament had voted to renegotiate the Irish border backstop in an utterly futile gesture as Parliament is without the power it up. The EU has made it crystal clear that the negotiations are over – as has the Irish government. The EU could be forgiven for asking “which bit of NO is it that you don’t understand”?

We look complete clowns who’re living in a dreamworld of their own creation. We’ve totally trashed our reputation and our standing on the world stage. All other countries can do is look on agog and feel sympathy for those of us who’re caught up in this madness.

Meanwhile, whilst our politicians fiddle, our economy burns. More and more companies are reaching for plan B and the lifeboats to get away from our sinking country before the clock stops ticking in 59 day time. Just 59 days – that’s all we have left now after our politicians (and quite a few voters) have wasted the past two and a half years pretending Unicorns exist, we’ve ‘taken back control’ and that ‘they’ really do need us more than we need them. Brexit is looking more and more like a death cult.

I dread to think what we’re returning to as the impression I’m getting out here and through social media is that many people haven’t got a clue what’s going on and don’t really care anymore (if they ever did). The cry of “just get on with it” (when they haven’t got a Scooby Doo what ‘it’ is) seems to echo around certain circles. My fear is when (far, far too late) the penny finally drops and the consequences of ‘it’ can no longer be denied, things are going to get messy – and possibly bloody.

The Brexit chickens are coming home to roost. Sadly, so are we – and I’m really not looking forward to it…

15:02 (USA time).

After a 12hr 30m flight we’re passing through the faff of US customs. Despite our baggage being checked in to Heathrow the Yanks insist you have to collect it and then check it in again, which is a bit stressful when your connection boards in an hour & the carousel breaks!

To be honest, this is a good time to be on the other side of the planet, away from a country that’s tearing itself and its economy apart thanks to the utter stupidity of its politicians and the fact so many of its citizens are completely detached from the reality of the world beyond their islands shores.

I’m talking about the UK and Brexit. I’ve just heard on the news that the inevitable has happened and Prime Minister Teresa May’s ‘deal’ has been rejected by Parliament. This is as much of a surprise as the fact the sun comes up each morning. Everyone knew it was inevitable, yet she ploughed on like the Captain of the Titanic. To continue with the nautical metaphor, the UK is in completely uncharted waters now. Parliament has given May three days to come up with a plan B. Problem is – she doesn’t have one. Neither do the Brexit fundamentalists, other than persisting with the utterly insane idea that the UK can crash out of the EU with no deal and everything will be better! Meanwhile, the  Labour party continue to provide neither opposition nor alternative leadership, never mind a plan. They also persist with the insane – the idea that a Labour Brexit will be wonderful ‘cos their unicorns are painted red, not blue.

Whilst this political madness persists, businesses are tearing their hair out. Many are activating their plans to either get the hell out of the UK, or move what business they can back into the EU. Many businesses don’t have that luxury. We’ve had 2 and a half years of political and economic uncertainty because our politicians triggered article 50 without a plan. They set the clock ticking without any though of where that would lead. Tomorrow we have no-confidence vote in the Government. What will happen next? I have no idea – and I suspect many in Parliament are in the same position.

Compounding this are the people who voted for Brexit who still don’t understand the consequences of what they voted for – or who blindly refuse to accept them. English arrogance and exceptionalism is all too tragically alive and well. ‘Johnny Foreigner’ was going to roll over for us and give us everything we wanted to when we voted leave remember? “They need us more than we need them”. We’re “taking back control”. How idiotic and arrogant those slogans sound now. Only some people still believe them, because we’re English – God’s chosen people. They still can’t accept that they’re about to be served a very large slice of humble pie they cooked themselves – and the rest of us will be forced to eat it too. Let’s just remind ourselves what some of the architects of this shambles claimed…

What have we achieved in the past 2 and a half years? Well, we’ve wasted billions of pounds in pursuit of the impossible (a better deal than we had) and preparing for the inconceivable (a no deal Brexit). We’ve trashed our international reputation and shown the world how utterly stupid and arrogant we can be. We’ve suffered two and a half years of political paralysis and time wasting chasing our tails rather than Parliament doing something useful and meaningful. We’ve proved that we’re governed by a bunch of political chancers, spivs and  dogmatic lightweights who put party before country – and we’ve shown that actually, the UK’s more to be pitied than feared when it comes to trying to throw its non-existent weight around on the world stage (one only has to look at the way the PM’s been side-lined on the world stage to see that).

I’ve never seen a developed nation implode through its own arrogance and incompetence before. I am now. Sadly, it’s my own country.

I really don’t think UK politics can get any more surreal. The origins of the Brexitshambles and the manipulated referendum that kicked it all off were in a Tory party brawl that spilled out onto the streets. The Conservatives have always been split over Europe and the headbangers in their Eurosceptic wing have been a thorn in their side for years. David Cameron bought them off with the referendum – and we all know how well that went!

Since then we’ve had two and a half years of the Brexit headbangers living in a different world to the rest of us. One where no claim was too outrageous and no lie too big to tell. Now we’re coming to the endgame. They never could deliver a single one of their promises, instead they blamed everyone else for the failure to deliver a ‘pure’ Brexit. In that respect the Brexit fundamentalists share the same ideological purity (and total inability to deliver) as the hard-left.

Meanwhile, we’ve wasted two and a half years whilst they try and deliver the undeliverable. All the bluster about ‘take back control’ and ‘they need us more than we need them’ has been exposed for what it always was – English arrogance. The EU has remained united and stuck to its principles.

Now we’ve come to the end game. The deal on the divorce from the EU and one of those burning issues that the Brextremists always dismissed as ‘Project fear’ – the Irish border question – hence the backstop. The Brextremists hate May’s deal because it exposes what the rest of us always knew: leaving the EU makes us a rule-taker, not a rule-maker. All their bluster about ‘sunny uplands’, no ‘downsides’ and how easy it would all be was just a pack of lies – and now those lies have been exposed. Here’s a few of them.

So, the shambles deepens. Teresa May has managed to negotiate a divorce settlement with the EU but it’s painfully obvious to most sensible people that it’s a worse deal than we had. Truth is –  it was always going to be as there are no Brexit Unicorns. But that doesn’t stop the Brexit fundamentalists making their excuses and pretending ‘we’ could have got a better deal if one of them had been PM. May knew she was going to lose the vote on the deal, so cancels it at the last moment. Funny, isn’t it? Apparently, she’s allowed to change her mind all the time, but we’re not allowed to change ours by being given the opportunity to vote in a second referendum on the details of the deal/no deal!

So, what are the Tories about to do now – according to media reports? Stage a fucking leadership contest, that’s what! The UK is like the Titanic, it’s heading straight for a frigging Iceberg, so what do they decide to do – fight over who gets to hold the wheel!

Never has a developed nation been so ill-served by its political classes. Sadly, it’s not just the Tories. ‘Magic Grandad” – otherwise known as the leader of the Labour party is just as culpable in the shit-storm that’s about to hit us as the Government is. It has his tacit support for his own ideological reasons.

If only I could say “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here”…

So, less than 24 hours after the Government supposedly signing off Theresa May’s 500 page draft Brexit deal, the Brexit rats start deserting the sinking ship, first to go: Raab C Brexit, the Brexit Secretary and man who never realised the significance of the port of Dover as a trade route! He was quickly followed by a minor minister responsible for Northern Ireland whom most had never even heard of, Shailesh Vara. An hour later, Work and Pensions Secretary Esther McVey followed.

All of them complained that the deal was a bad deal. No f*****ng shit, Sherlock! There never was going to be a better deal than the one we had and to see them now complaining that (in actual fact) Brexit leaves us with less sovereignty than we had makes my blood boil!

The sight of the Brexit fundamentalists having to admit that the whole shabby process they pushed for will not end up with the sunny uplands they promised would be funny if it wasn’t so serious. The damage these people have done to the country due to their ignorance and obstinacy in refusing to deal with reality is only just starting to become plain. Let’s just remind ourselves of some of the false claims they made.

No ‘downside’ eh? A ‘better deal’ eh? We ‘hold all the cards’? Pfft!

Can you imagine what our European neighbours are thinking of us as they watch this shit-shower unfold? Britain has been brought low by the ignorance and dogmatism of its politicians, the manipulations of media moguls, billionaires, and spivs carrying Belizean diplomatic passports – plus English arrogance and the insane belief that somehow we were special and these things only happened to foreigners. Meanwhile, there’s several million EU nationals living in the UK (and vice versa) living their lives in complete uncertainty.

How this complete shambles will play out over the next few days and weeks is anyone’s guess. May’s deal is so much waste paper now. It’s  been binned along with Britain’s standing in the world. meanwhile, the clock continues to tick. We’ve wasted two and a half years as our politicians argue and manoeuvre amongst themselves. Or, in the case of the Leader of the Opposition, Jeremy Corbyn, go missing entirely.

Britain is about to be served a very large slice of humble pie and the really stupid thing is – we baked it ourselves.

This country is deeply, deeply screwed. Here’s the man in charge of negotiating Brexit admitting that he didn’t understand the significance of Dover. Presumably the existence of the English Channel (which has been around for the past 10,000 years) was dismissed as ‘Project Fear’ by him and the other hardline Brexit supporters. Watch the car crash here.

This is the level of intellect and understanding we’re seeing from Brexit supporters. It would be bad enough if this was just some bloke on the street. It’s not, It’s a Government Minister for God’s sake. Can you imagine the laughter this is going to provoke on the other side of that stretch of water Raab was clearly unaware of the significance of? Or in capitals around the world. Brexit has made the UK a laughing stock and it’s time we woke up to that fact. English arrogance is going to be our undoing…