Today, Teresa May will (in front of the whole world, which is both agog and quietly laughing to itself), stick lipstick on her pig of a EU withdrawal agreement and try and sell it to Parliament, despite them having resoundingly rejected it only a few weeks earlier.

The lipstick is her claim that she’s secured ‘legally binding’ changes to it regarding the backstop. Anyone with half a brain can see this is nonsense, but such is the level of delusion in our politicians – and sections of the media, some will swallow it. Those in the  legal profession, such as the blogger David Allan Green haven’t. As he’s pointed out.

Will MPs fall for it? Who knows? It’s a farce that the whole of the UK and the rest of the EU is caught up in because our politicians have neither the guts nor brains to put a stop to it and say ‘this is madness’.

UPDATE.

The Attorney General has published his legal advice to the Government, which piles on Teresa May’s agony.

There is no ‘legally binding’ new agreement, that bollocks has been exposed. So, what now for May’s deal?

UPDATE, 19:26.

So, there we go. May’s ‘deal’ is dead. It was rejected in a vote by 391 to 242, that’s a majority of 149. There was a dull inevitability about this, the only question was how many votes would go against her. Now the farce continues tomorrow, with Parliament voting on a motion that could see ‘no deal’ finally taken off the table. It was always an empty threat that frightened no-one in the EU as they were always far more prepared for the consequences than we were as their politicians weren’t living in cloud-cuckoo land over what the consequences of such a step would be. Many of ours never were – and still aren’t.

What next? Despite the complete absence of a backbone in many MPs nowadays I really can’t see them voting for us to leave without a deal. They may be weak, they may be deluded, but the instinct for self-preservation and the knowledge that history would excoriate them must be felt in their bones.

It now looks like the can will continue to be kicked down the road, with the UK having to ask the EU for an extension of article 50. All the Brexiters claims of us ‘holding all the cards’ and having ‘taken back control’ are exposed for what they were. Lies. It’s up to the EU to decide if they will give us that extension. In theory, they could refuse. They could say, ‘Nah, we’re so sick of your childish political games and arrogance that it’s time you faced the consequences of your actions, so screw you’. They won’t of course, but as the ball’s in their court they can set the time limit on the extension. But, what if they did refuse to extend the time limit, and the UK’s MPs have voted that we can’t leave with no deal. What then?

“Take back control” eh?

Of course, there’s one huge problem with this scenario. That clock’s still ticking, as Jolyon Maugham QC has pointed out via Twitter.

For those of you who don’t know Jolyon, he’s a QC who’s been at the centre of some very interesting court cases around Brexit. We are not out of the Brexit woods yet. There is one delicious irony in all this. It could be the Brexit extremists in the ERG who (by rejecting May’s deal) might have just killed off any chance of Brexit.

As night follows day, the British media and Brexit supporters produced the all too predictable furore over Donald Tusk’s verbal (and Twitter) reality check yesterday. His comment, wondering what the special place in hell looks like for those who promoted Brexit, provoked squeals of outrage from many of those who are guilty of exactly that. Farage, Andrea Jenkyns, Grant Shapps and Andrea Leadsom being amongst them.

Leadsom went on the BBC to say Tusk has “no manners”, which is weapons grade hypocrisy when you consider the anti EU rhetoric that’s come out of the pro-Brexit camp these past few years. The EU has been compared to both Nazi Germany and the Soviet union by these clowns, whilst newspapers like the Mail have labelled remain supporters as ‘traitors’.

Tusk has hit a nerve because he’s telling the truth – as the whole sorry shambles demonstrates. They NEVER HAD A PLAN, just bombast, bluster and downright lies – and now the chickens are coming home to roost and the blame game’s in full swing.

Today, the next part of the shambles will play out in Brussels, as Teresa May goes (cap in hand) to ask the EU to dig her out of the mess she’s helped create – because she HAS NO PLAN. She threw her negotiated agreement with the EU under a bus and now wants the EU to rescue her. Her claim to have a ‘mandate’ from Parliament will cut no ice in Brussels as the EU leaders have a mandate and instructions of their own – and they have the upper hand. This is what ‘take back control’ looks like away from the Brexiteers bluster. We gave control away just as soon as we triggered article 50 and set the clock running without having a clue what we wanted (just what we didn’t). All we had were May’s ‘red lines’ which had doomed us to failure from the beginning.

So, what will happen in Brussels today? Nothing of any substance, because May hasn’t got a plan. Oh, the language may be more diplomatic, but the EU isn’t going to offer anything that gets the UK off the Brexit hook. Why should they? This epic disaster is of our own making, not theirs, and they have other fish to fry – looking after the interests of their member states – which includes Ireland. We squandered our stock of goodwill a long time ago, we’re running on empty now.

No doubt the media will be full of speculation and poring over an interpreting (or, in some cases, spinning) whatever is said. It’ll keep them busy for a while producing acres of copy and pointless pieces to camera. Meanwhile, the clock continues ticking in the background as the day of reckoning gets closer and closer. Next week there’s another vote in the House of Commons. No doubt this will be yet another sorry farce as a bunch of people completely incapable of facing reality and the consequences of their decisions drag out our national humiliation to its awful conclusion. The only question now is how long this farce will drag on. Will they continue to fiddle whilst Rome burns, or faced with the awful reality that’s staring them (and us) in the face, will they finally discover their backbones? I wish I could say I was optimistic. Instead, I’m off to stock up on tins of chickpeas…

UPDATE. 13:18.

I’ve stopped for a coffee and logged onto the news to find out exactly what we knew was going to happen. May got nowhere in Brussels. Despite the warm words in a joint communique which carried the classic old line about ‘robust but constructive’ discussions, Junker has made it crystal clear (yet again, how many times does the poor sod have to say it?) that the withdrawal agreement is NOT for renegotiation. Words may be tinkered with, but that’s it. Talk about a waste of time. Here’s a copy of the statement.

Note the line that ‘President Junker drew attention to the fact that any solution would have to be agreed by the EU Parliament & EU27’. Does that sound like us having taken back ‘control’ to you?

The only noises that can be heard now are the sounds of a clock ticking and a can being kicked down the road.

The most depressing aspect about being back in the UK after a month in New Zealand is being trapped in a country about to do an economic and political RMS Titanic impression. Like the Titanic, many of us poor sods have no chance of a place in a lifeboat, so we’re expected to go down with the ship. Meanwhile, those in charge are busy denying responsibility for our course, or blaming the iceberg for existing, or are fighting over who gets to steer us into it…

Meanwhile, many people go about their daily lives oblivious to what’s happening as they’re not interested in politics, have little understanding of economics and care more about what’s happening to the characters in their favourite soap opera. All the while, the clock is ticking…

How many people understand that, unless our Government and the EU come to a deal by 29th March we automatically (by rule of law) crash out of the EU without a deal. Nor can we stop the article 50 clock unilaterally. The EU has to agree. This is what “taking back control” actually looks like. This is the cold hard reality behind all the bullshit and bluster from the Brexit camp and why the situation we’re in is such a sick joke. Not that those who foisted Brexit upon us are taking any responsibility for any of this. Oh, no. Some of the Brexit supporting MPs have dropped even the pretence of honesty and resorted to outright lying, even doubling down on the lie when exposed. Step forward Daniel Kawczynski, the Tory MP for Shrewsbury – as the Independent explains.

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/daniel-kawczynskis-brexit-reparations-mp-germany-marshall-plan-lies-a8762361.html

People like him, Dominic Raab and Chris Grayling are busy making their excuses for the impending disaster by trying to pin the blame on the EU for its ‘intransigence’ in not rolling over and giving in to their impossible demands. The fact the EU made it’s position clear right from the very start by saying it wasn’t going to change the rules of the club for someone who’s leaving, and that our Government (and what passes for an ‘opposition’ nowadays, which is another sick joke) have wasted nearly three years in arguing with itself matters not. Oh, no. When the shit finally hits the fan none of them will accept responsibility.

Whilst this charade is playing out in Westminster, dark forces are active on social media, just like they were during the referendum. Someone (know one can establish whom) is spending 100’s of 1000s of £ on pro no-deal Facebook ads, whilst on Twitter a large number of bot accounts have sprung up pretending to be young people who voted Remain but now want to see no-deal because they’re sick of the way the EU is treating us. You can see where this is going, can’t you?

The picture looks very different in the EU, where the very people we’re meant to be spending the next several years negotiating ‘better’ access to the EU than we had are so thoroughly pissed off with the UKs time-wasting and posturing that Donald Tusk has just said this. Clearly, the EU is washing its hands of us, and who can blame them? We’ve proved ourselves a joke, time-wasters, nothing more.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/politics/uk_leaves_the_eu

Someone pass me a lifebelt, please…

UPDATE.

After typing this I saw more of the news coming out of Europe and the meetings the EU’s had with the Irish government. To my mind it’s clear that the EU position has hardened and their attention is on standing by and protecting Ireland. But who can blame them? The UK has proved it can’t be trusted to negotiate in good faith, after all, Theresa May even threw her own deal under a bus! Christ, have our politicians and those devious, lying Brexit promoters Tusk referred to got us into a mess – and no amount of their bravado, bombast & bullshit is going to get us out of it. As many of our politicians have still to find a backbone and stop this madness I can only see two options left. Either they will kick the can even further down the road by asking the EU for an extension of the article 50 timetable, or we crash out of the EU with no deal on March 29th.

I’ve a favour to ask…
If you enjoy reading these blogs, please consider clicking on an advert – or two! You don’t have to buy anything, honest! The clicks just help me cover the cost of running this blog. Many thanks, Paul

After a month in beautiful and progressive New Zealand it’s time to fly half-way around the planet to return to a country that’s busy trying to destroy itself: Britain.

We’ve been spared the daily madness of Brexit over here, although I have tried to keep abreast of what’s been happening. That’s been a challenge in itself as what’s been happening makes little sense. Today I checked the news to find that Parliament had voted to renegotiate the Irish border backstop in an utterly futile gesture as Parliament is without the power it up. The EU has made it crystal clear that the negotiations are over – as has the Irish government. The EU could be forgiven for asking “which bit of NO is it that you don’t understand”?

We look complete clowns who’re living in a dreamworld of their own creation. We’ve totally trashed our reputation and our standing on the world stage. All other countries can do is look on agog and feel sympathy for those of us who’re caught up in this madness.

Meanwhile, whilst our politicians fiddle, our economy burns. More and more companies are reaching for plan B and the lifeboats to get away from our sinking country before the clock stops ticking in 59 day time. Just 59 days – that’s all we have left now after our politicians (and quite a few voters) have wasted the past two and a half years pretending Unicorns exist, we’ve ‘taken back control’ and that ‘they’ really do need us more than we need them. Brexit is looking more and more like a death cult.

I dread to think what we’re returning to as the impression I’m getting out here and through social media is that many people haven’t got a clue what’s going on and don’t really care anymore (if they ever did). The cry of “just get on with it” (when they haven’t got a Scooby Doo what ‘it’ is) seems to echo around certain circles. My fear is when (far, far too late) the penny finally drops and the consequences of ‘it’ can no longer be denied, things are going to get messy – and possibly bloody.

The Brexit chickens are coming home to roost. Sadly, so are we – and I’m really not looking forward to it…

15:02 (USA time).

After a 12hr 30m flight we’re passing through the faff of US customs. Despite our baggage being checked in to Heathrow the Yanks insist you have to collect it and then check it in again, which is a bit stressful when your connection boards in an hour & the carousel breaks!

To be honest, this is a good time to be on the other side of the planet, away from a country that’s tearing itself and its economy apart thanks to the utter stupidity of its politicians and the fact so many of its citizens are completely detached from the reality of the world beyond their islands shores.

I’m talking about the UK and Brexit. I’ve just heard on the news that the inevitable has happened and Prime Minister Teresa May’s ‘deal’ has been rejected by Parliament. This is as much of a surprise as the fact the sun comes up each morning. Everyone knew it was inevitable, yet she ploughed on like the Captain of the Titanic. To continue with the nautical metaphor, the UK is in completely uncharted waters now. Parliament has given May three days to come up with a plan B. Problem is – she doesn’t have one. Neither do the Brexit fundamentalists, other than persisting with the utterly insane idea that the UK can crash out of the EU with no deal and everything will be better! Meanwhile, the  Labour party continue to provide neither opposition nor alternative leadership, never mind a plan. They also persist with the insane – the idea that a Labour Brexit will be wonderful ‘cos their unicorns are painted red, not blue.

Whilst this political madness persists, businesses are tearing their hair out. Many are activating their plans to either get the hell out of the UK, or move what business they can back into the EU. Many businesses don’t have that luxury. We’ve had 2 and a half years of political and economic uncertainty because our politicians triggered article 50 without a plan. They set the clock ticking without any though of where that would lead. Tomorrow we have no-confidence vote in the Government. What will happen next? I have no idea – and I suspect many in Parliament are in the same position.

Compounding this are the people who voted for Brexit who still don’t understand the consequences of what they voted for – or who blindly refuse to accept them. English arrogance and exceptionalism is all too tragically alive and well. ‘Johnny Foreigner’ was going to roll over for us and give us everything we wanted to when we voted leave remember? “They need us more than we need them”. We’re “taking back control”. How idiotic and arrogant those slogans sound now. Only some people still believe them, because we’re English – God’s chosen people. They still can’t accept that they’re about to be served a very large slice of humble pie they cooked themselves – and the rest of us will be forced to eat it too. Let’s just remind ourselves what some of the architects of this shambles claimed…

What have we achieved in the past 2 and a half years? Well, we’ve wasted billions of pounds in pursuit of the impossible (a better deal than we had) and preparing for the inconceivable (a no deal Brexit). We’ve trashed our international reputation and shown the world how utterly stupid and arrogant we can be. We’ve suffered two and a half years of political paralysis and time wasting chasing our tails rather than Parliament doing something useful and meaningful. We’ve proved that we’re governed by a bunch of political chancers, spivs and  dogmatic lightweights who put party before country – and we’ve shown that actually, the UK’s more to be pitied than feared when it comes to trying to throw its non-existent weight around on the world stage (one only has to look at the way the PM’s been side-lined on the world stage to see that).

I’ve never seen a developed nation implode through its own arrogance and incompetence before. I am now. Sadly, it’s my own country.

I really don’t think UK politics can get any more surreal. The origins of the Brexitshambles and the manipulated referendum that kicked it all off were in a Tory party brawl that spilled out onto the streets. The Conservatives have always been split over Europe and the headbangers in their Eurosceptic wing have been a thorn in their side for years. David Cameron bought them off with the referendum – and we all know how well that went!

Since then we’ve had two and a half years of the Brexit headbangers living in a different world to the rest of us. One where no claim was too outrageous and no lie too big to tell. Now we’re coming to the endgame. They never could deliver a single one of their promises, instead they blamed everyone else for the failure to deliver a ‘pure’ Brexit. In that respect the Brexit fundamentalists share the same ideological purity (and total inability to deliver) as the hard-left.

Meanwhile, we’ve wasted two and a half years whilst they try and deliver the undeliverable. All the bluster about ‘take back control’ and ‘they need us more than we need them’ has been exposed for what it always was – English arrogance. The EU has remained united and stuck to its principles.

Now we’ve come to the end game. The deal on the divorce from the EU and one of those burning issues that the Brextremists always dismissed as ‘Project fear’ – the Irish border question – hence the backstop. The Brextremists hate May’s deal because it exposes what the rest of us always knew: leaving the EU makes us a rule-taker, not a rule-maker. All their bluster about ‘sunny uplands’, no ‘downsides’ and how easy it would all be was just a pack of lies – and now those lies have been exposed. Here’s a few of them.

So, the shambles deepens. Teresa May has managed to negotiate a divorce settlement with the EU but it’s painfully obvious to most sensible people that it’s a worse deal than we had. Truth is –  it was always going to be as there are no Brexit Unicorns. But that doesn’t stop the Brexit fundamentalists making their excuses and pretending ‘we’ could have got a better deal if one of them had been PM. May knew she was going to lose the vote on the deal, so cancels it at the last moment. Funny, isn’t it? Apparently, she’s allowed to change her mind all the time, but we’re not allowed to change ours by being given the opportunity to vote in a second referendum on the details of the deal/no deal!

So, what are the Tories about to do now – according to media reports? Stage a fucking leadership contest, that’s what! The UK is like the Titanic, it’s heading straight for a frigging Iceberg, so what do they decide to do – fight over who gets to hold the wheel!

Never has a developed nation been so ill-served by its political classes. Sadly, it’s not just the Tories. ‘Magic Grandad” – otherwise known as the leader of the Labour party is just as culpable in the shit-storm that’s about to hit us as the Government is. It has his tacit support for his own ideological reasons.

If only I could say “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here”…

So, less than 24 hours after the Government supposedly signing off Theresa May’s 500 page draft Brexit deal, the Brexit rats start deserting the sinking ship, first to go: Raab C Brexit, the Brexit Secretary and man who never realised the significance of the port of Dover as a trade route! He was quickly followed by a minor minister responsible for Northern Ireland whom most had never even heard of, Shailesh Vara. An hour later, Work and Pensions Secretary Esther McVey followed.

All of them complained that the deal was a bad deal. No f*****ng shit, Sherlock! There never was going to be a better deal than the one we had and to see them now complaining that (in actual fact) Brexit leaves us with less sovereignty than we had makes my blood boil!

The sight of the Brexit fundamentalists having to admit that the whole shabby process they pushed for will not end up with the sunny uplands they promised would be funny if it wasn’t so serious. The damage these people have done to the country due to their ignorance and obstinacy in refusing to deal with reality is only just starting to become plain. Let’s just remind ourselves of some of the false claims they made.

No ‘downside’ eh? A ‘better deal’ eh? We ‘hold all the cards’? Pfft!

Can you imagine what our European neighbours are thinking of us as they watch this shit-shower unfold? Britain has been brought low by the ignorance and dogmatism of its politicians, the manipulations of media moguls, billionaires, and spivs carrying Belizean diplomatic passports – plus English arrogance and the insane belief that somehow we were special and these things only happened to foreigners. Meanwhile, there’s several million EU nationals living in the UK (and vice versa) living their lives in complete uncertainty.

How this complete shambles will play out over the next few days and weeks is anyone’s guess. May’s deal is so much waste paper now. It’s  been binned along with Britain’s standing in the world. meanwhile, the clock continues to tick. We’ve wasted two and a half years as our politicians argue and manoeuvre amongst themselves. Or, in the case of the Leader of the Opposition, Jeremy Corbyn, go missing entirely.

Britain is about to be served a very large slice of humble pie and the really stupid thing is – we baked it ourselves.