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The Yorkshire Hs2 antis battle each other

02 Wednesday Nov 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Anti Hs2 mob, Hs2, Yorkshire

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Anti Hs2 mob, Hs2, Politics, Yorkshire

I mentioned in an earlier blog that the Yorkshire Stophs2 campaign’s doomed to failure as they’re singing from different hymn sheets from the beginning. This is very evident from the plethora of petitions different groups have started – with different aims. For example, here’s one started by one Julie Pile, which says that:

mexborough-hs2-petition

Apart from the obvious nonsense about failures of “statutory duty” and the usual catastrophic language about “wrecking” the environment, it’s clear Julie doesn’t mind if this happens, as long as it happens elsewhere. This puts her on a collision course with other campaigners on the route, but also the City of Sheffield and other who campaigned long and hard to have the Hs2 route changed from Meadowhall in the first place. So far, the petition’s gathered 3343 signatures, 1643 of which (or 50.85%)are from the Hemsworth constituency of Jon Trickett MP. To put this in perspective, it’s just 1.73% of all his constituents. The only other people to have signed in any number are the 418 signatures from Ed Miliband’s neighbouring constituency, Doncaster North. What’s noticeable is the tiny number of supporting signatures from elsewhere, like Sheffield, or even Rother Valley, another constituency on the new Hs2 route.

There does seem to be an embarrassment of riches (well, petitions really) amongst people in Yorkshire as a John Haith, a Rother Valley resident from Bramley has started this one, which has 3,202 signatures (but little support from Hemsworth). Meanwhile, Stephen Simcox (also Rother Valley) has started a “spend Hs2 money on the NHS” petition which has a paltry 763 signatures.

In truth, none of them have a cat in hell’s chance of success, but they do show a very Yorkshire trait – a lack of agreement over anything! The fact that there are obvious tensions and different interests across the county (even amongst anti Hs2 groups) demonstrates why any campaign to try and Stop Hs2 is doomed from the start – especially as these small local groups are pitted against the metropolitan areas of Leeds, Sheffield and York (all very pro Hs2) as well as the majority of the wider Yorkshire business community. Plus, can anyone seriously think the good Burghers of Doncaster (home to one of the two National Colleges for High Speed Rail) will want to kiss goodbye to the thousands of skilled people who will be trained there? Or for that matter, the hundreds of skilled jobs that will be created by the Hs2 rolling stock depot at nearby Crofton?

No doubt there will be a few awkward moments for some MPs as they try and balance the wider interests of their constituents with the impossible demands of a minority, but does anyone seriously think they will actually vote to stop Hs2 coming to Yorkshire or carrying on to the North-East, or for that matter Notts?

There’s another consideration too. The Hs2 Hybrid Bill for phase 2 will also contain the line onwards from Crewe to Manchester (another Labour heartland).  I’m sure there will be some very interesting meetings of the Parliamentary Labour Party if a handful of Labour MPs in Yorkshire were seen as putting the whole of the Phase 2 scheme under threat!

StopH2 campaigners in Yorkshire have made the same mistake that those on Phase 1 did. They’ve fallen into the trap of thinking their purely local concerns should be put ahead of national ones, and that others will give way to appease them.

Too busy writing for a living…

26 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in RAIL magazine, Transport, Work

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RAIL magazine, Work

Apologies for the lack of blogs recently but I’ve been to busy writing for a living rather than pleasure! Earlier today I finished writing the final article in my trilogy for RAIL magazine. It was good timing as part 2 of the series hit newsagents shelves today.

Every two years RAIL commission me to travel around the UKs railways for a week. I get to see the good the bad and the ugly – then write all about it. As this is the seventh year I’ve been doing the trips (I started in 2004) we made it a little different. Instead of out and back, circular trips I started in Penzance and finished in Wick. It was great as it gave me the opportunity to include lines I’d not travelled on before. Here’s a preview of today’s piece, published in RAIL No 812:

20161026_101822

 

RAIL 812 is on sale from today until the next edition (and final part of my article) appears on Wednesday 9th December

Now this has been done and the nights are drawing in I should be working from home more, I’m hoping that will leave me a bit more time for blogging. That said, I’ve still got tens of thousands of slides to scan!

Crazy anti Hs2 campaigner of the week: No 19.

19 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Crazy anti Hs2 campaigner of the week, Hs2, StopHs2

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Hs2, Politics, StopHs2

I haven’t highlighted any individual campaigners for some months now as the whole StopHs2 campaign’s crazy nowadays but I couldn’t resist this outstanding example. So, step forward Nicholas Ward – who’s standing as a Stophs2 candidate in tomorrow’s Witney by-election!

Witney is an ultra-safe Tory seat that was the constituency of David Cameron, the former Prime Minster, who held it with a majority of 25,155. Ward, who lives in Greatworth near Banbury has decided that this is the ideal place for him to persuade voters that Hs2 is such a major issue (even though it’ll go nowhere near the place) they’ll reject their Tory tendencies to elect him as their MP instead. There’s a grand total of 14 candidates standing in Witney which means Ward has to fight for votes against parties with far more credibility, like The Monster Raving Loony party, or bus pass Elvis!

Ward’s website claims that “there is little to be gained from voting for one of the main parties in this by-election” as if Brexit and the economy are somehow a side-show in Witney compared to Hs2. He goes on to claim that he’s “always worked on the basis that, no matter how difficult the odds, one had to go on trying to achieve one’s objective for as long as there was any chance of success. This attitude has motivated his decision to stand in the Witney by-election.”
How Ward expects to be able to do anything about Hs2 (even if by some incredible miracle he was elected) is a mystery as the project has solid cross-party support and the Hs2 bill sailed through Parliament with a massive 411 majority. Like many other Hs2 antis Ward doesn’t understand that the general public don’t share his obsession with the project. It’s an attitude that’s bedevilled the anti hs2 campaign from the beginning, leading to them making serious tactical errors by assuming ordinary voters will ‘rally round’ – as Ward is doing. It’s a tactic that’s backfired time and time again as all it’s done is expose how little support they really have. Ward is doomed to repeat this failure when the by-election result is declared on Thursday night/Friday morning. If this isn’t crazy, then…

POST-RESULT UPDATE.

Mr Ward managed to get all of 92 votes. This beat his previous total of 63 votes from when he stood in Westminster North at the General election. It equates to 0.2% of all votes cast in Witney.

I’ve a small favour to ask…
If you enjoy reading this or any of the other blogs I’ve written, please click on an advert or two. You don’t have to buy anything you don’t want to of course – although if you did find something that tickled your fancy that would be fab! – but the revenue from them helps me to cover some of the cost of maintaining this site (which isn’t cheap and comes out of my own pocket). Remember, 99% of the pictures used in my blogs can be purchased as prints from my other website –  https://paulbigland.zenfolio.com/

Or – you can now buy me a coffee! https://ko-fi.com/paulbigland68312

Thank you!

 

Why Hs2 antis should finally give up on petitions.

19 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Anti Hs2 mob, Railways, StopHs2, Yorkshire

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Anti Hs2 mob, Hs2, StopHs2

I’ve often said that the Stop hs2 campaign never learns from its mistakes. I’ve been provided with another great example of this today when one of the campaigns long-standing Walter Mittys’ (the fantasist Nicholas Batty) tweeted a link to yet another daft petition on the Government’s website.

batty-oct-19

Here’s a link to the actual petition.

Needless to say I went to have a look. The petition was started by a Stephen Simcox from Rotherham on the 26th July 2016 & closes on the 21st January 2017 (all petitions are set to close automatically after 6 months) It’s gathered a grand total of 467 signatures since. It hasn’t got a cat in hell’s chance of success but what I found really interesting was that someone in the Civil Service has been expanding the data these petitions carry. Not only do they tell you the number of signatures from each of the 650 Parliamentary constituencies, now they also tell you what percentage of registered voters have signed. This is extremely useful as it tells you how much people in that constituency care (or rather, don’t care) about an issue. However, for the Stop Hs2 campaigners it’s a disaster, as it allows you to define just how little support they have!

Here’s a screengrab of the constituency map.

petition.PNG

This shows that the greatest number of signatures (a ‘whopping’ 121) come from the Rother Valley constituency on phase 2 of Hs2. 2nd is 62 signatures from the Doncaster North constituency. Now this can be put into context thanks to the new feature.

Rother Valley has 94,959 constituents and a *cough* massive 0.13% of them have signed the petition! In Doncaster North that’s 0.06%. Somehow, I don’t think any MPs are going to be losing sleep over this.

Phase 2 StopHs2 campaigners are running a carbon-copy of the campaign that failed to stop Hs2 on phase 1 in the South. It’s crazy as they don’t have the money or support that their Southern counterparts had. Not only that but the two surviving umbrella groups (Hs2aa and StopHs2) are both based in the South. Neither of them are likely to survive beyond Phase 1 receiving Royal Assent – which will leave phase 2 protestors without any logistical or technical support. The Yorkshire stophs2 campaign is isolated anyway as it doesn’t even have the support of its local MPs (for example, Doncaster North’s Ed Milliband is a firm supporter of Hs2). They’re also up against Yorkshire business groups who’re strong supporters of the project. There’s also the problem of a lack of unity between old and new groups in Yorkshire as some are campaigning for the Hs2 route to be moved back to Meadowhall!

In short, the Yorkshire Stophs2 campaign’s over before it’s even started.

The sad thing about all this is that the people who are genuinely affected by Hs2 are being led up the garden path by the likes of Joe Rukin from Stop Hs2. Instead of campaigning for  the best route possible, maximum mitigation and benefits to their communities from new facilities funded by Hs2 Ltd, they’ve been conned into wasting their time fighting a battle they can’t possibly win by trying to stop Hs2 altogether.

UPDATE.

Since this blog was written (6 days ago) signatures have gone up by 253, from 464 to 720 – or 42.1 a day. The problem is, a petition like this needs an average of 556 signatures per day to stand any chance of getting past the magic 100,000, and each day it fails, that number increases…

StopHs2 rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic…

05 Wednesday Oct 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Anti Hs2 mob, Hs2 Bow Group, Hs2aa, StopHs2

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Hs2, Hs2aa, StopHs2

These days, observing British politics is a surreal and scary experience. The Tory party conference especially so. I actually thought I’d switched on a repeat of an old UKIP one by mistake when I heard the anti foreigner rhetoric and the plans to make companies ‘register’ all their foreign workers. and ‘name and shame’ them if they don’t employ British workers. After all, the idea is crass enough, xenophobic enough and stupid enough to have come from UKIP, but no. It really is the party of Government who have suggested it.

However there was another surreal event at conference, which was to do with the StopHs2 campaign and it was more comical and farcical than anything.

Campaign group StopHs2 ‘launched’ a new ‘briefing paper’ at a fringe meeting yesterday. Laughably they tried to pretend it was bigger than just them by roping in other old names, namely Hs2aa and AGAHST, which is rather amusing as AGAHST bit the dust some years ago, as you can see from their abandoned website   Nothing’s been heard from them for years but their former Communications Director, Deanne DuKhan did attend for appearance’s sake. Poor Deanne never did get much right during her time at AGAHST, as this missive she penned in April 2012 shows. A search of the internet doesn’t reveal any trace of her in relation to Hs2 and AGAHST since 2013, which is rather odd as she’s the sole remaining Director!

The ‘briefing paper’ that was launched by StopHs2 can be found here.

It’s essentially a 16 page rambling rehash of anything and everything (and anyone) that they can find that’s ever been critical of Hs2. It also contains some outright lies which (despite them having been exposed) they’re still trotting out – like this one:

lie

I exposed that one way back in February 2015 (see here)

StopHs2 say “The paper will be circulated to all MPs and Lords following party conferences”. Talk about a waste of time! There’s not a cat in hell’s chance of anyone stopping the phase 1 Hybrid Bill this late in the day. MPs won’t be debating it again and the Lords can’t stop Hs2 at 3rd reading, which is expected in November-early December. Plus, if this regurgitation of old arguments couldn’t stop Phase 1, there’s no chance of it stopping phase 2 (even if anyone remembers it by then).

Even everyday anti Hs2 protestors seem to have twigged this, as this comment on the StopHs2 Facebook page reveals.

kinch

Which rather says it all. Today Teresa May closed the Tory party conference with a clear commitment to build not just phase 1 but also phase 2 of HS2. “We will press ahead with plans for HS2” she said, echoing the earlier statement to conference from of her Transport Minister, Chis Grayling.

Stophs2 might as well have saved their money and chucked their ‘briefing paper’ straight into the recycling bin. All they’re doing is rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic…

 

 

The Stop Hs2 campaign revisited

26 Monday Sep 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Hs2, Hs2aa, Mid Cheshire against Hs2, StopHs2, Uncategorized

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Anti Hs2 mob, Hs2, Hs2aa, Rail Investment, Railways, StopHs2, Transport

I haven’t blogged about the Stop hs2 campaign for some time, mostly because it’s a busted flush nowadays, but I thought it would be useful to sum up the state of play in the final weeks before Phase 1 gets Royal Assent.

Ever since Hs2 passed 2nd reading in the Commons with such a stonking majority the antis campaign has been doomed. From that point on there was a noticeable decline in their efforts which has continued ever since. Now they’re doing a very good impression of the fabled Oozlum bird! The final straw for many of them was the fact the Lords Hs2 Committee made it very clear they weren’t going to tolerate the campaign trying to bog down progress on the bill by sticking in hundreds of pointless petitions. The Committee also severely limited what one of the remaining anti Hs2 groups (Hs2aa) could petition about.

This left the two surviving groups almost redundant. So much so that Hs2aa have given up campaigning on social media. Their Twitter and Facebook accounts haven’t been used since June 12th and their website is pretty much abandoned too. It’s carried 4 articles since June, most of which are repeating newspaper stories. Their campaigning is reduced to funding an advert to be rolled out in a few ‘periodicals’ (so, not the national newspapers then) before the Tory party conference next month and err, that’s it…

Meanwhile, the Stophs2 group is hanging on by the skin of its teeth despite the fact it’s a pointless organization with little to do. Like Hs2aa, its website is mostly kept alive by repeating what the media are saying about Hs2 or recycling old articles from the past, otherwise there’s nothing happening. The days of meetings, conventions and organising protests are long gone. This year they’ve not even attended any of the party conferences, so we’ve been saved from the usual fairy stories about how ‘busy’ their stall was – which is always contradicted by people tweeting pictures of it!

What’s instructive is taking a look at their Facebook page. On it you’ll find the same few names constantly expressing their bewilderment. They simply can’t understand why Hs2 is still happening. However, when you read through the comments and see the sheer level of ignorance about transport, economics and politics being expressed – you can see why they failed. The comments are overwhelmingly from those living on the route howling in incomprehension at everything. Their unguarded comments make it clear most of them have given up the fight, all they’re doing now is moaning about the result.

So, where do things go from here? It’s clear the stop Hs2 campaign’s been a miserable failure. Tactically it’s been a disaster. It never understood that a few hundred people affected by a specific issue like Hs2 would struggle to get wider public support. Pretending some negative opinion polls would somehow translate into anything concrete was a huge mistake – as was incessently painting politicians (the very people they needed) as corrupt. Trotting out a constant stream of lies, deception and dodgy figures wasn’t too bright either.

The anti Hs2 campaign was probably the first major one of the social media age, so it holds a lot of lessons for others. What it’s taught us is that social media is very much a double-edged sword for such campaigns because it exposes your weaknesses just as much as it allows you to get your message across to people. Social media has allowed us to see that the stophs2 campaign was actually a tiny group of people that was shrinking as time went on. It also showed that many of its ‘supporters’ were opportunists from the economic right wing such as the Taxpayers Alliance and the Institute for Economic Affairs, plus UKIP. We can see from Facebook that their campaign stalled years ago. It’s never attracted more than a few thousand people at most. Only a tiny percentage of that few thousand are in any way activists. Twitter paints an even worse picture as it’s clear from the activity surrounding the #hs2 hashtag that there’s been a massive drop in people tweeting anti H2 messages. To make matters worse, the majority of those remaining are either from the political fruitcake end of the spectrum or are tweeting anonymously (which is a complete waste of time). That leaves a handful of ordinary people. As a campaigning tool to stop hs2 it’s useless. Instead, what it has done is expose another of their weaknesses – which is that apart from their ‘heartland’ in the Chilterns, they’re scattered and isolated.

The phase 1 campaign is effectively dead. Royal Assent (which is only a few weeks away) is now certain. The last hope for their campaign was that the reconstituted Tory government would have a change of heart after Brexit. That hope was dashed when it became clear that Teresa May, her new Chancellor and Transport Minister strongly backed hs2. Added to this was the delicious irony that the brexit vote made building Hs2 crucial to the Governments efforts to boost the economy. So much for UKIP (who claimed Hs2 was a dastardly EU plot that was imposed on us) support for the antis! Once phase 1 gets Royal Assent Hs2aa (which is almost exclusively made up of Chiltern Nimbys) is redundant, as is Warwickshire based & funded Stophs2. I can’t see either of them surviving into 2017, which leaves the stop hs2 campaign without any national leadership or structure.

Now the ‘battle’ moves on to phase 2 and phase 2a. So, what’s the state of play on those sections of the route?

Phase 2a to Crewe passes through Staffordshire where the anti Hs2 campaign’s always been a bit of a joke. They’ve spent more time fighting each other than trying to stop hs2 due to the egos and ‘personalities’ involved. Think of Monty Python’s ‘Life of Brian’ and the ‘splitters’ of the Judean Peoples front…Right now there’s not even an established group in Staffs to oppose phase 2a. UKIP support featured heavily in Staffs, but now that party is in decline there’s little to suggest there’s ever going to be coherent opposition to Phase 2a.

Phase 2 is a little more complex. The leg from Crewe to Manchester and the spur to the WCML near Warrington has very little opposition apart from a moribund group of Nimbys in Mid-Cheshire and another around Warrington. What’s significant is that there’s not a single organised StopHs2 group anywhere in the Manchester area. The other leg through Sheffield to Leeds has more opposition due to the recent route change. That said, there’s little that’s coherent. Leeds has a tiny and disorganised group in the outskirts to the South-East. There was a group at Church Fenton, but again, that’s done very little. There is new opposition centred around Rotherham but they seem hell-bent on running a carbon-copy of the failed phase 1 campaign. Instead of concentrating their efforts on route changes or mitigation they’re wasting their time trying to stop the whole Hs2 project. The problem all these groups have is political support for Hs2 is far stronger in the North than it was in the South. Even though some Yorkshire MPs like Ed Miliband have expressed opposition to the route change, they still support building Hs2. This means there’s no chance that there will be a rebellion of MPs to vote down the Hs2 Phase 2 Hybrid Bill when it gets to Parliament. Of course, all this is several years away but what is increasingly clear is that Stophs2 as a national campaign is finished.

EVENING UPDATE:

To add to the doom and gloom for the stophs2 campaign, Labour’s Shadow Chancellor made an announcement at today’s Labour conference. He committed the party to borrowing to invest in an infrastructure fund. He specifically mentioned that both Hs2 & Hs3 would be built from these funds. Now, you can offer odds on the chance of Labour ever getting back in to power before Hs2 is built, but what matters is Labour’s clear commitment to the project. They’re not going to be voting against either the Phase 2a or Phase 2 Hybrid bills…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Station friends forge closer ties

02 Friday Sep 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in ACoRP, Community, Railways, Uncategorized

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ACoRP

Today I attended a rather different event – the twinning of two of Yorkshire’s station friends groups. Mytholmroyd (W Yorks) and Bentham (N Yorks) are two well established groups that have deep roots in their local communities. The lines they’re based on couldn’t be more different. Whilst Mytholmroyd has 70 trains a day serving it, Bentham has a grand total of 10. Despite the disparity of services, the groups have a lot in common. They’ve got to know each other so well they decided to twin to reflect these links, encourage greater co-operation between station groups and to share best practice. Hopefully other friends groups will be encouraged to do the same.

The first of the twinning events was held today at St Michaels church in Mytholmroyd. This church was so badly damaged by the terrible floods on Boxing day 2015, that much of it is still under repair and will be out of action for another year.

The event was well attended and included both the local mayors and community representatives as well as Northern, the local train operator.

Here’s a few pictures from the event.

DG253308

Representatives of both station groups and the wider community attended the event.

 

DG253315

Cllr Tony Hodgins, Mayor of Hebden Royd, led the audience in a round of applause for Sue & Geoff Mitchell who are the powerhouses behind the Mytholmroyd station friends

DG253384

To commemorate the event, Two of the friends of Bentham (Bob Sloan & Gerald Townson) presented Mytholmroyd with a slate plaque to adorn the station.

 

 

 

I’m still here…

01 Thursday Sep 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Travel, Work

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Well, what year it’s been so far. I’m hard put to think of another in recent memory that’s been as tumultuous, both socially and politically. Not only have we had the Brexit vote, we’ve had a change in political leadership and watched as both Labour and UKIP are tearing themselves apart. UKIP I don’t mind – I’d be glad to see the back of them. Labour are more important as they’re meant to be providing the real opposition to our rebranded Tory government, instead it looks increasingly like Corbyn will win the leadership vote to take the party forward into electoral oblivion.

At least we had the Olympics to cheer us up momentarily as Britain did very well in the medal tables. That gave the media chance to distract us from the slew of less than brilliant economic news. Despite the fact there’s so much going on I’ve had little time to blog about any of it. Instead I’ve been concentrating on my work and getting some of the thousands of old rail and travel slides I have sitting in albums scanned and available through my website. Even this is having to take a back seat now. August is always a busy month and much of it has been spent touring the country in my role as a Judge for the Association of Community Rail Partnerships (ACoRP) annual awards. Along with my fellow judge from the Royal Horticultural Society (RHS) we’ve been visiting stations across the country to assess the entries for the ‘It’s your station’ category. As if that wasn’t enough, as soon as the visits were complete I began another marathon – this time for RAIL magazine. Every two years I’m tasked with travelling the network for a week, looking at the good, bad (and even ugly) sides to the UKs railways. In the 12 years I’ve been doing this series I’ve visited most corners of the UK, but this year was a little different. I travelled from one end of the country to the other by taking a meandering route from Penzance to Wick. You’ll be able to read the full story in RAIL later this month.

September isn’t exactly a quiet month. I’ve a series of events & awards ceremonies to attend, including the ACoRP awards in Southport and the National Rail awards as well as the massive Innotrans trade fair in Berlin, Germany. I’m determined to fit in some more blogging in between, so watch this space

The ‘great Guido’ gets it wrong – again.

28 Thursday Jul 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Andrea Leadsom MP, Anti Hs2 mob, Guido Fawkes, Hs2, Victoria Prentis MP

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Anti Hs2 mob

Hs2 antis have got very excited by a story on the execrable ‘Guido Fawkes’ website. The great ‘Guido’ has tried to make out that the appointment of a prominent anti Hs2 MP as a Parliamentary Private Secretary (PPS) to Ministers in the Department of Transport somehow causes problems for the HS2 project, leading to a “tough circle to square”. The problem is – the truth is exactly the opposite. Victoria Prentis’ opposition to Hs2 has been neutered. Why? Because as a PPS she is bound by the same rules on collective responsibility as the Cabinet are. This means she can’t speak out against Government policy as she is deemed to have collective responsibility for it! The delicious irony is that this is the second anti Hs2 MP Teresa May has effectively muzzled – the other being one Andrea Leadsom, who is now Minister of State at the Department of Energy and Climate Change!

Still, when has the Fawkes camp ever let the facts get in the way…

Poetry corner revisited

24 Sunday Jul 2016

Posted by Paul Bigland in Poetry

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Here’s the latest ode from my friend Skimbleshanks…

Chorus:
Ohhhhh! We’re off to see the Wild West Show!
The elephant and the kangaroo–oo-oo-oo!
Never mind the weather, as long as we’re together,
We’re off to see the Wild West Show.

Verse the First
And in the first cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. the Thinkie-Tankie Bird.
The Thinkie-Tankie Bird? It’s fantastic, it’s incredible! What the Bloody Hell is it … ?
The Thinkie-Tankie Bird, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a marvellous beast whose cognitive activity is firmly in inverse proportion to any actual achievements. So if he Tanks, he Thinks, but when he Thinks, he Tanks!
Chorus

Verse the Second
And in the next cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have Andrea Leadsom.
Andrea Leadsom? It’s … etc
Well. I’d like to tell you, Ladies and Gentlemen, but I can’t. Yes you’ve got it, young feller-me-lad – Mum’s the Word!
Chorus

Verse the Third
And in the next cage Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. HS2 Action Alliance.
HS2 Action Alliance? It’s etc
HS2 Action Alliance, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a most mysterious beast. You might call it two-faced, because you’re never quite sure which end is talking. When it goes to the Select Committee, it’s all serious and authoritative. But at the same time, it spouts nonsense like “£6.3 billion cuts to existing services”, “HS2 will cost £138 billion” and “Rugby will lose all its fast trains to London”. Listen carefully, and you will discern, Ladies and Gentlemen, that it’s HS2AA’s Directors doing a bit of freelancing from the other end. Don’t get too close, Sir, it stinks.
Chorus

Verse the Fourth
And in the next cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. HSUK.
HSUK? It’s etc
No-one really knows, Ladies and Gentlemen. Some say it’s related to the Chameleon, some say to the Cheshire Cat. The one thing we do know, Ladies and Gentlemen, is that if you ask it a question, it disappears.

Verse the Fifth
And in the next cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. AGHAST.
AGHAST? It’s fantastic, it’s incredible! What the Bloody Hell is it … ?
Dunno. Haven’t seen it today. Sure it was there yesterday. Or maybe the day before.

Ohhhhh! We’re off to see the Wild West Show!
The elephant and the kangaroo–oo-oo-oo!
Never mind the weather, as long as we’re together,
We’re off to see the Wild West Show.

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