Here’s the latest ode from my friend Skimbleshanks…

Chorus:
Ohhhhh! We’re off to see the Wild West Show!
The elephant and the kangaroo–oo-oo-oo!
Never mind the weather, as long as we’re together,
We’re off to see the Wild West Show.

Verse the First
And in the first cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. the Thinkie-Tankie Bird.
The Thinkie-Tankie Bird? It’s fantastic, it’s incredible! What the Bloody Hell is it … ?
The Thinkie-Tankie Bird, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a marvellous beast whose cognitive activity is firmly in inverse proportion to any actual achievements. So if he Tanks, he Thinks, but when he Thinks, he Tanks!
Chorus

Verse the Second
And in the next cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have Andrea Leadsom.
Andrea Leadsom? It’s … etc
Well. I’d like to tell you, Ladies and Gentlemen, but I can’t. Yes you’ve got it, young feller-me-lad – Mum’s the Word!
Chorus

Verse the Third
And in the next cage Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. HS2 Action Alliance.
HS2 Action Alliance? It’s etc
HS2 Action Alliance, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a most mysterious beast. You might call it two-faced, because you’re never quite sure which end is talking. When it goes to the Select Committee, it’s all serious and authoritative. But at the same time, it spouts nonsense like “£6.3 billion cuts to existing services”, “HS2 will cost £138 billion” and “Rugby will lose all its fast trains to London”. Listen carefully, and you will discern, Ladies and Gentlemen, that it’s HS2AA’s Directors doing a bit of freelancing from the other end. Don’t get too close, Sir, it stinks.
Chorus

Verse the Fourth
And in the next cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. HSUK.
HSUK? It’s etc
No-one really knows, Ladies and Gentlemen. Some say it’s related to the Chameleon, some say to the Cheshire Cat. The one thing we do know, Ladies and Gentlemen, is that if you ask it a question, it disappears.

Verse the Fifth
And in the next cage, Ladies and Gentlemen, we have …. AGHAST.
AGHAST? It’s fantastic, it’s incredible! What the Bloody Hell is it … ?
Dunno. Haven’t seen it today. Sure it was there yesterday. Or maybe the day before.

Ohhhhh! We’re off to see the Wild West Show!
The elephant and the kangaroo–oo-oo-oo!
Never mind the weather, as long as we’re together,
We’re off to see the Wild West Show.